F for Friends, F for Foes
Dear Friend,
How are you? It has been months since
the last time we talked. Yes, since the last time we have a real eye contact
and face-to-face talk. I never thought that a simple thing like that class
presentation can bring misfortune to us to the way we are now.
I wonder if you still remember. We have
met last year, during the new intake of our campus in mid-June. At that time, I
didn’t even realise your existence. You have kept a low profile in class. To be
honest, I know nothing about you during the first semester of our foundation
course. However, there were some things you did to me which caught my interest
in you.
It started someday in August (I don’t
remember when – LOL) at our Majlis Berbuka Puasa - I have poor memory, but I’ll
try to remember as much as possible – which was attended by our former tutor,
Madam C and a few other lecturers including the Director. It was after the
feast, in the dining room of the preschool building, I sat and rested against
the wall next to the door of the living room, watching our classmate eats and
jokes and have fun when I realized that you were staring at me. I pretended not to
notice. But it seems like you were staring hard on me. (Seriously, what were
you thinking back then?)
I turned my head 90° towards you who
were just right in front of me, sitting on the opposite side of the table. I
raised my brows, gave you a sign of confusion. – Why are you looking at me like
that? – But all you did as a reply was raising back your brows the way I did
and then moved your eyes to our classmates. I felt slightly weird. What the
hell was that? But I let it slipped off my mind. What a strange guy you are, Friend.
Another thing you did was on
Facebook/FB. You always ‘Like’d my posts – my status, my links, even my posts
in our Group – although we barely talked to each other neither in class nor on
campus. Perhaps that’s just the way you be friends with others, I thought. And
with that thought, it continues as our first semester went by. Since FB can be
accessed anytime, anywhere so even in the holidays you kept on clicking ‘Like’
on my posts.
Between you and me, it didn’t only
limits on FB. On the last day of January, I was put in the same group as you for
the Physical Education/PE class. I still remember, excitedly, as you looked at
me, you said to the whole group, “Wow, this is the first time I’m in the same
as you!.” It’s really nothing important to me. Not at that moment. You are
strange indeed, just a little group formation has put you on to excitement. Then
we moved to the library to discuss about the task that was given by our PE lecturer,
Madam A. I was feeling a little awkward since I barely talked to any of our
group members before so I kept quiet the whole time of our discussion. The only
thing that put me into conscious was the promise I made to you about the notebook
my father gave me. To the whole group, I told you guys that there are still a
bunch of notebooks at home. Seeing you were being interested, I offer one to you. I promised to fetch one for you the next time I visits home again.
A few days later, I was surprised again. Our group worked faster
that on the same week our task of the PE class was given, D told me that you
wanted to bring the members to buy some things for our task. “What an early
action!” I thought. For the first time, I got to ride in your car. I couldn’t
help but to get impressed by you, driving your own car. And you did another
strange thing, you drove to a few places, exclaiming that these are the places
that interest you. Really, it really has nothing to do with me, why do you even
bother to show it to me? I know that sometimes you take D, L and E to hang out
somewhere but it really has nothing to do with me. In my mind, I only want to
get things done quickly so that I can spend my precious leisure moments in my
room. Really, you could have shown it to D and E another time without me. I
couldn’t care less about your favourite spot to release tension, Friend. Even though those were the
things that have been lingering my mind, but deep in my heart, I’m starting to
gain interest in you. I realized that, I wanted to know more about you, Friend!
You know, there were times when I caught you staring at me. Is staring
at me really THAT fun? Or is there anything weird on me which made you stare at me
without blinking. You’d stare at me without even a blink on your eyes. It really
made me think.
Finally, yes, finally I became interested
in you during the second month of our second semester. We were both on duty at
the Minggu Pengurusan Pelajar Baharu (MPPB) for DPLI GSTT and PPISMP GSTT
second intake. I was in charge of the bulletin of the event and you were on the
kebajikan of the new students. We
hang out together most of the time during the event, it gave a chance to get to
know you better. The way you talked and joked with me made me change my
impression of you – from being the skema
boy to a nice friend.
I still remember, some of your words
back then. There was a time when you gave me an advice to send the homework of
a subject (I don’t remember which subject it was!) immediately. “I don’t want
you to be left behind” is what you have said to me. How nice of you. We only
talked recently and you gave a sincere word to me. It’s touching. Really, when
I said that I’m touched, you wanted me to cry out my tears. Yeah. Ada orang minta puji dah!
I admit that every time I went on duty,
I always looked forward on meeting you. J One thing that left me
pondering was on the second day of the MPPB. I didn’t come to any of the class
that day (it was Friday, I believe) since I was at the morning taklimat of the new students, writing
notes on their activity that morning. To be honest, I was a little bit
disappointed that you were not on duty that morning. However, you surprised me
with your presence at the TSSK Hall after class. With me not in the class, not
studying together, you said to me “I missed you already”. Oh my, I was
delighted back then. How sweet. It hasn’t been a day since the last time we saw each other, yet you missed me already. Ha! Ha!
Okay, I know you could have been joking
back then and I got carried away, imagining things by myself but really, just
that little joke made me happy. I am really thankful for those happy times I
had with you. We talked, we joked, we even fought a little (since you were mean
from the beginning) it all had become the bitter sweet memories of you in my
heart.
There was a time when the Pandu Puteri
seniors were holding a small event – Thinking Day – where they sell cute little
cupcakes made by the Pandu Puteri members themselves. On the night before the
Thinking Day, I sent a personal message on FB to one of the seniors of the Pandu
Puteri to reserve two cupcakes for you. I even requested them to deliver it to
you the next day, along with a little note “I like you!” on the cuppie cakes. J I
wonder, what was your impression of that? Did you know that the one who sent
them is me? Do you still keep the note I sent you that day? How was the
cupcakes? Were they delicious? I have been told by one of our classmates that
you were mengidam of the cupcakes
too. I am glad that I have sent them to you.
Now, on to the exposition of our fight.
Our big Fight. The faithful day
which has lead us to the way we are now. During the Pengajian Melayu class, Dr.
M, our lecturer gave us the topics that we need to present. Just like the first
semester, we are instructed to present the topic ourselves. So we had a little
draw to determine the lucky partners who will be presenting the topic given. I
know that having to draw the same number as you are, is very rare! Our class
had 31 trainees thus, the chance for us to draw the same number is 1/30. But
faith had brought us together, we drew the same number which made us partners
for the topic given. I still remember it like it was yesterday, the whole class
was cheering like crazy. The fact that both of us got chosen was a miracle. I
never thought of that. So we had a brief discussion on what we should do for
our presentation. You told me, “Let’s just search about this ourselves and then
combine the information later on”.
But I have troubles on finding the
information about the topic. I search it out on books but unfortunately I don’t
understand a single thing on those books. I am not a genius, although I’m good
with Maths but Bahasa Melayu has been my weakness since elementary school. I
tried to contact you to tell you about it. I called you a few times, but you
never answered. Then I text message you and waited the whole day, yet you didn’t
even give a single reply. I didn’t give up halfway though, I tried FB. FB was
the last thing I hope that will reach you. But then, there was never been a
reply from you. And so, I got mad. I know I have said harsh things on FB. I
called you “Stupid Friend!” didn’t
I?
It was a big shock to me, when M told me
that you wanted to exchange partners with her. M has no partner so I presume
that you wanted to work alone. “I do not want to get involved with someone who
dared to call me stupid” was what I heard from others. I talked to you face to
face, “You could have told me directly if you wanted to change partners.”
However, only the movements of your eyebrows came out. Not even a single word
came out from you. This is disappointing. I never expect you to be a coward.
Really, what a cowardly actions you took there! I never knew that you have such
a big pride, higher than Mount Fuji in Japan. Perhaps even higher than Mount
Everest, the highest mountain in the world.
Since that faithful day we never talked
to each other again. Every time we passed by each other, both of us would
pretend like a complete strangers.
Honestly, I never knew that you disliked
me so much (perhaps hated me too) that even a single thing about me would put
you into bad mood. I still remember, fresh from mind, the day when I decided to
carry out the promise I made to you before. I wanted to give you the notebook I
promised. I took a whole box of it from home during the mid-term holidays. I
asked V to deliver it to you since you and I do not talk to each other anymore.
I told her to deliver this: “A promise is a promise no matter what”. Yet you
surprised me again. Sadly, V returned the book to me with guilty on her face. “Sorry,
I do not know why he sent it back to me. He put it on my desk” is what V said
to me.
Then at night, the same day I gave you
the book, A told me that you were in bad mood all day. She even heard you said,
“even my father can give me this thing!” angrily. Hearing that, it costs me
really big pain! It is not because you rejected my gift, but it’s because you
speaks ill about my father. I know it is just an empty notebook, a notebook
that can be found in any store. But to me, that notebook is special. My father
went into troubles of carrying the whole box for me, saying that I should give
it to my friends – better than not being used in his office. Imagine how tired
he is from the jetty, moving heavy stuff from the tanker yet still carrying
another heavy thing to home just for the friends of his daughter whom he didn’t
even know. My family is not rich. Both of my parents are working. And all five
of my siblings are studying including me. So the notebook is really PRECIOUS to
me. It’s a gift from my father. It also bears the logo of the company that had
fed my family since even before I am born 20 years ago!
The way he said that, it is like
speaking ill of not only me, but also my father. I know that my Friend comes from a rich family, both
of his parents has careers. All of his siblings are well-educated (not that
mine are not!) and he is fed well by his parents. I know that his father can
bring him a dozen of that notebook. But still, he will never understand how much that
single simple notebook means to me.
Ever since that day, I never tried to
reach him again. Usually, I would feel sad at night, thinking about our ruined Friendship. But now, he’s the only thing
I am least concerned of now. I would never want to get involved with the person
who speaks ill of my parents. So that is how we went from Friends to Foes. Whether
it is in class or on FB, we never had any contact anymore. Before, I used to
posts on FB about how I missed talking to him or even how much I regret that
faithful day but now, I never regret anything that happened between us anymore.
I promised to myself: I won’t remove him
or block him on FB (and in real life too) so that I will be able to show him how happy I am even without him as
my FRIEND anymore. This is the only thing that keeps my mind off him at
times when I longed the memories between us.
Late in April of our second semester, it
was also on Friday, he was acting strange again. Early in the morning, our
English lecturer came in late to class so we had a little free time. My friend
and I was talking when I caught him staring at me like he used to. It got into
my nerves at first but I just let it slipped out of me. I don’t care even a
single thing he does. That’s what I thought. However, there is another time
(about twice more – if I’m not mistaken though) when he stared at me. Seriously,
why are you staring at me?! What business do you have with me now?! I need to let this be the way it is. You mean nothing to me now.
But it does not end there. He posted
things like ‘second chances’ and memories on FB. There was also one saying that
he wanted to talk to ‘someone’ yet he was afraid that he might annoy that ‘someone’.
Okay, I wasn’t stalking; it’s just that those posts appear on my FB homepage
as I scroll down the page so I saw them all. Really, I’m already getting over
you. Why are you giving hints like that?! Please, I beg you… don’t give me
hints when I’m already getting over you.
Thank you for today. It is April 29th,
2012. My beautiful Sunday morning has been ruined my the first post I saw on my
FB homepage. Oh My God, it’s you again! I know that you were referring to me when
you said the “other person”. My heart reached its boiling point as I read on:
It’s
funny… when you’re trying to get (or “go”? – whatever!) to someone… and the “other person” notice
about it and start wondering about your actions… haha…
P/S: my advice to the other person… (Malay Language – please translate if you do not understand J) Boleh tak jangan cepat perasan? Do you
think I really-really want you?
Okay, fine! It was a naked truth… even our classmates knew who
that “someone” and “other person” is. Not to mention that it’s the person herself…
I do not get perasan on my own, okay, boy? I really thank you for everything
up until now. Really appreciate them all. Thank you for coming to my life.
Thank you for once being my friend. Thank you for putting up with me even now.
I appreciate them all that even words cannot describe my feelings entirely. I
hope that you will find another Friend
better than me, the way I do of finding another 100 times better than you!
And so, our Friendship
ends at the moment you removed me from you FB Friend list. From Friends,
we turned into Foes. I do not think
that I have won anything from this battle yet I am not the one who LOSE. But
one thing for sure, I am not the one who RUNAWAY and I am proud simply because
of that. Once upon a time, I know a boy named Fikri – which means Intellectual
in Arabic. And once upon a story, he was a precious friend of mine.
Hidayuki
They say that
the days when nothing happens are the best. But the truth is I’m running away,
letting my days without you get the better of me – translated from Komatsu Miho’s “Koori no Ue ni Tatsu
You ni”.
